Speed Bumps Need Not Become BE Bumps

Speed bumps in life may be unavoidable. Too often, however, we let them become BE bumps.

What do I mean by that? We all know shit happens. We make a snarky comment. We take our our frustrations on others. We miss a deadline. We’re sitting at our desk when the reminder bings on our computer and we realize this is an in-person meeting not a Zoom meeting and we have 15 minutes to get across town. We lose a client or fail to get a client we thought we deserved. We get sick. We get hurt. Someone hurts us.

Failure, by definition, is an act or an instance of failing or proving unsuccessful. Failure is the speed bump I am referring too. Far too often those failures move beyond an instant, and we let them define us. The let us BEcome them.

That’s a really unfortunate habit that too many of us let ourselves get into far too often.

For years, I have shared the mantra that we don’t win or lose, we win or learn.

But somedays, that’s easier said than done.

This past Monday, I fell into that trap. I had an opportunity to be a part of an accelerated business group. It was something I wanted to do, could afford to do, and was looking forward to doing. I woke up Monday morning, clicked on the email to sign up, and the registration had closed. I had not paid attention to the 12:00 AM deadline. I had it in my head that the deadline was still a few days away. I was pissed at myself.

And then I let that story grow legs. I lamented my inability to pay attention to details. I began to reflect on all the times I had let this same weakness wreak havoc on my life. How many times I had disappointed my wife by forgetting something at the store. How many times I had forgotten to follow up with someone when I promised I would. How many times I had missed opportunities ore experiences because my systems suck.

And if my systems suck, then I must suck.

I wasted the entire day frustrated and angry that I had done it again. I wasted the day embracing my failure. I let the speed bump become a BE bump. It wasn’t that I had failed, it was that I was a failure.

I let the instance of failing last far longer than its deserved moment.

I would venture a guess that I am not alone in allowing my failures to become not instant, but momentous.

And that just cannot BE.

This morning on my walk, I was thinking about this entire scenario, and I came to some resolutions. When that instant becomes a story, it moves from a situation or an outcome to a feeling, and that’s when it becomes a problem.

So I devised a little strategy to prevent that from happening. We’ll call it the Four F Framework.

F-1: Fuuuuuucccccckkkkkk!!!!!

If you haven’t watched Ted Lasso, you should. My wife and I fell in love with the character Roy Kent. Every time Roy met adversity, he would let out a giant FUUUUCCCCKKKK!!!! Except, he has a British accent, so it may be a FAWK or a FAUCK (we’ve debated it, and so far there’s been no consensus.

But we would both tell you there is something amazingly therapeutic about a Roy Kent quality Fuck. It just releases something inside of you that needs to be released. It’s the start of letting go.

F-2: Forgive

Forgiveness can be difficult for most of us. Self-forgiveness can be damn near impossible. But it’s in the forgiveness that we find freedom.

I don’t know about you, but I suspect most of us put tremendous pressure on ourselves to be and do right, and when we fuck it up, it can be devastating. That can be especially true when it’s a high-value fuck up. It’s mind bending when we realize we are the only one to blame (and if you sit with it long enough, we are almost always the only one to blame).

Forgive yourself. You’re human. You’re naturally flawed. Give yourself some grace for crying out loud.

F-3: Focus

Letting go of the emotion and forgiving yourself really doesn’t solve anything. The issue still exists. The situation is still fucked. It’s time to focus. What can you to to repair it? Fix it? Solve it? Forget it? What’s next?

At some point, you just need to move the fuck on. You need to act. It’s in the action we begin to reinvent ourselves. You no longer need to be defined by the instant. Go create the next one.

F-4: Forward

Regardless of what happened, go forward. Stop looking in the rearview mirror. There’s nothing back there for you. There’s a saying that ”no man ever stands in the same river twice. It’s not the same river, and it’s not the same man.”

I have been blessed, for the most part, to be born without a rearview mirror. I spend very little time looking backwards. It can make me an incredibly frustrating person to be around because I likely will have no recollection of that memory or experience we shared together. I have a few snapshots here and there, but I don’t remember much outside the border of that image.

But you know what? I don’t give a fuck. Nothing behind me is in my control. Nothing behind me impacts my today or my tomorrow. So let it go. You are no more defined by that instant than you are by what happened to you when you were a child.

It’s over. Go forward.

Figure out where you want to be, who you want to be, and make it happend.

Life’s too damn short to be derailed by a speed bump.

Don’t let your speed bumps become BE bumps.